Tuesday, May 4, 2010

My Pace In This World

Today I was thinking about how crazy the past few months have felt.  Baseball season started (read: my husband is mostly g-o-n-e) and it has felt like a tornado siren should be sounding off any minute.  I'm really having trouble finding a groove that works for me.  Ironically there are only a few more weeks to the season and then it will be time to readjust again. 

But this season, there have been a few times where I stood in the middle of the chaos house and felt so out of control.  Like everything is happening around me yet I have no part in it.  I'm trying catch up, but the train is quickly leaving me behind.

I find myself grasping (or maybe gasping would be more appropriate) to find the right pace for this time in my life.  Like the long distance runner to whom it's critical to find the right pace in order to finish the race.  (Did I just use whom correctly?  It felt right.  Sorry you grammatical junkies out there, I don't know why you put up with me!)

Maybe I'm not allowing God to set my pace.  Allowing Him to reveal Himself to me and what He thinks of me in all of my life's circumstances.  Not allowing Him to be God.  Ouch.

I know I've been running a bad race.  Putting on a horrible show.  Much like when I was on the middle school track team, but that's another story.  A pathetic and sad story that I hope to never be inspired to share here. 

The real story is that I want to run the race of life worthy of what God has done for me. 

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.  Acts 20:24 NIV
Running at the pace He has set for me. Not pulling ahead of Him. Not falling behind Him. Running with Him, at the speed where I can enjoy His companionship.  Where fulfillment, peace, and joy can be found.

Maybe one of these days I'll get this living for Christ thing right. *Can you hear me laughing?* Until then, I'm just glad He's always ready to refill my cup and quick to come hold me up in this race.