Somebody

Once in a while someone asks me if I miss the job I left to stay at home with my kids.  And the answer for the most part is an honest no.  I would not give up the opportunity to be with my precious babies to pursue what was a successful career.  I enjoyed it thoroughly, but I've only got this one season in life with my children and this is what God has called me to do in it.

I mean sure, there are times when I get to the end of a day and feel like I have nothing to show for the work I did.  It would be nice to finish something and have it stay that way.  Like a clean room.  Or even a clean child. *wry grin*  But even then I try not to get frustrated, because I know one day I will miss having sticky fingers grab my face to give me wet kisses.

So it's very rare that I feel a pang for that woman who used to wear business suits every day.  My pajamas are way more comfy anyway.

I've been cleaning out our "schoolroom" that has really served as a dump storage space more than anything else so that we can actually do things with less risk of little ones interfering with school work.  More square footage is always a plus.  It has been a lot of work, but has been so incredibly freeing -which is a great representation of what God has been doing spiritually for me also.  As my home is being physically restored, so is my soul. 
 
One day as I was cleaning, I came across some old things from my working life.  Certificates and plaques, old training materials, resumes, and I even dug out some old notebooks that had been tucked away in a deep pocket in a bag I used to carry.  

And that's when I began trying to reconcile the working woman that was with this stay at home mommy.    Who was that girl? 

I found myself wanting to find someone and tell them that I used to be somebody.  Somebody who managed six figure budgets.  Somebody who ran and coordinated a large Dept. of Justice initiative.  Somebody who had the trust of local, state, and federal representatives and other prominent figures in the community.  Somebody who could hold a thought and pee for longer than a minute.

Please don't get me wrong.  I think being a stay at home mom, homemaker (with or without children), or whatever other title you prefer is one of the noblest of professions.  I also happen to think it is one of the most difficult -on many different levels.  And I am having a hard time even confessing these thoughts I was having.

As I began to lose perspective and struggle with these thoughts, God in His loving kindness intervened.  He took me by the shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and said, "You are somebody.  I say so."  I could feel his breath blowing on me, freeing me and giving me life.  Reaching deeper than I am probably even aware at this time.

Reestablishing my identity.  Finding comfort in who I am.  And also in Who I am, for I am in Him.  Things I've known moving from my head into my heart. 

Somebody, it is who I am.  And it's who you are too.
 

He said so.