Friday, February 27, 2009

Someone's Missing?

Something happened yesterday that has left me a little bit puzzled.

When all three of my children were present and accounted for, I continued to search for one more child. Because there was a sense that one missing. As in a fourth. You know, a fourth child that I really do not have.

And not only did this happen once, it happened twice. Hours apart. In two different locations.

And yes, I was wide awake. Both times.

It was strange. Really strange. Leaving me shaking my head at myself and wondering if perhaps I had taken a step closer to complete madness. I did momentarily forget what side of the road to drive on the other day... Sad, but true.

It makes me pause and wonder if it's God speaking to me. I've made no secret of my desire to see Abigail have a sister - even though I do know that's not how it works. But wow, some days three kids seems like more than I can handle. I was encouraged to hear from a mother of six recently that she had felt overwhelmed at three.

Okay, I was elated to hear that. Because in my mixed up brain, those feelings make me feel like a failure as a mother. Just being real here. The days can feel lllllooooonnnnnggggg. Knowing other moms have those feelings too is just nice.

I don't really know if there are more children in our future, but this strange feeling of wondering where my fourth child is has definitely caught my attention.



Davene said...

Hmmm...interesting. I have a feeling you just might have your 4th child someday. ;)

I can identify with you in these feelings: being overwhelmed sometimes, feeling like the days are long, but not feeling a sense of the family being complete yet. I'm eager to wait and watch what God does for you!

Crystal said...

I smiled as I read your post. Still smiling. :)

Anonymous said...

The family of 10 kids down the road has assured us that nothing in their lives was as hard as when they had 3 kids....they said it's easy after 3. W/ #4 on the way for us...I'll let you know if their right ;o)